Im in a indie music mood today..

A girl drowning in her own thoughts; Her hands barely break the surface..
She's no angel, but she stumbles on her clipped wings and tattered spirit..
The perils seems endless, but the journey is still on..

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Do you ever just want to get away? I don't mean take a drive or one of those midnight walks where the wind chills your face and numbs your pain. I mean really get away. Like a whole other dimension. Jump straight into a book, skip across the words and dive right into some other life?

Let the troubles slip away, be them simple or extreme.. left to taunt the barren ground of the life you just left..

hm.. just a question, just a thought.

Too bad we can't, even for just a few hours. Though I think we have a mediocre way of doing that.. I believe its called.. vacation..

or sometimes it's an asylum..

ya know, whatever floats your boat.

I don't have a boating license so.. I'm just out of luck I suppose..

Hm. So, now what? A rant? I splash of emotion as I spill out my thoughts about my stupid dilemma? I think not.

I think I'll just get a bit scatter brained.. maybe give a little wisdom here or there. Maybe not. Maybe I'll just discuss something completely pointless, but still something to think about.

I don't know what to expect of this blog. But I'm just gonna go with it..

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So, I started this blog last night, but didn't want to be up all night typing my heart out and not get enough sleep...because I'd then procrastinate on a paper I needed to type...
and guess whhhatttt?!

I STILL haven't started my paper.. despite my efforts. Now I'm procrastinating even more.

but anyway onward with the blogging..

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I question our species a lot. We are a sad species, are we not?

Think about it.

- We are the ONLY species that kills the STRONGEST rather than weakest (i.e. wolves attack the slower weaker or younger animals..so both groups can still survive).

-We are the ONLY species to kill TRULY for sport of it.

-We are the ONLY species to truly abuse our intelligence

-We think we're so much better than others that we even start attacking our own species if they don't meet our certain criteria (beauty, money, etc).

Well i guess more or less I question the morale of society rather than the actual species but still, you get the point. -- I started this blog forever ago and I'm trying to finish it so I just typed out some points, sorry that this blog is so scattered.
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So, I started this blog last semester (and as you can see from the above sentence) I am finishing it today. I want to continue the original beginning of the blog, not the rant about society. I can do that any time, haha. I swear I am an optimist.. I just have my moments where I must rant.

But seriously, who hasn't wanted to get away from it all. Seriously away. Just stop time for a while..

Take it slow, slower than slow. Literally a break from life. Just walk in the calm. It would be amazing.

Maybe take a trip back to childhood. Become carefree again, back when school or work didn't consume you. Back when the worst part of your day was a scraped knee or a shortened recess.

I think our bodies try to create this little synapse in life for us to fall into and take a break. It's like when you go through your day and life passes you by, you sit in class but take absolutely nothing in. It's like you did all your work but you were never there. It's like your mind can't take it anymore so it takes all that you are somewhere in the depths of your soul, and even you can't find the way out. Have you ever felt like that? It doesn't exactly feel good.

In ,it's a slight numb and empty feeling. You feel like you've lost yourself, you are stuck in a lull and everything else is moving around you. But then later (who knows how long it takes) you suddenly come back. You're you. It's like your mind let you relax, while your body did the work, then you come back refreshed.

Has that ever happened to you? You just feel *off*, not *yourself*.. and it hurts.. and then eventually, for no reason, you feel fine again.. sure with the coming back of yourself you may cry or sit and question why, but you are back to yourself again... and feeling a lot better.

I don't know, maybe I'm just full of crap and want to make an explanation to why that happens. But it seems logical. You detach yourself only in the end to feel yourself more.

hm. lol

simple question.. but first.. let me explain..

I have recently befriended some wicked awesome guys that I will lovingly refer to as the 1306 guys.

well. My roommate Allie and I usually hang out with them a few times a week and.. yea..

they have this habit of making lots of ethnic, cultural, religious jokes (keep in mind, JOKES)..
and I don't normally mind, because I know they don't mean anything by it.. and I just usually don't make those jokes as a matter of not offending another. Unless it be in a very satirical manner.

anyway..

I have been in question, on if one of them was racist. Just do to the excessive number of jokes made.. though I still choose to believe he is not.

and I was questioning my roommate and she was like "i don't know, ask him. does it bother you?" And quite frankly, yes it does, and I told her that "I am not one to shove my opinions down others throats (though I will voice them), but there are some things that everyone should accept" that I think are common sense, that society seems to over look. something that should be accepted by all... example being racial differences. Hell I don't even think of people as a separate race, it's the human race.. a black pug and a tan pug are still PUGS correct? still DOGS correct? Genetically speaking, there are fewer differences between "races" than there are between a male and female. Even then, the difference is negligible.

She is not offended by the sense of racism given off by our friends (who really are great guys, don't get me wrong), yet if one of them were to make a joke against atheism or homosexuality, she would get gravely offended.

Now tell me.... How is that any different than someone disliking someone based off of skin pigmentation? Sexual preference... Religious preference..

She claims open-mindedness, but is so close-minded towards other things.

Now i did not make that point I only said what I quoted.

And the thoughts just spill..

They fall from their neat stacks within my mind, through my fingers and onto the page. No particular order, in fact.. it's usually chaotic. I can't help it, I've always lacked organization skills..

but here I go again..

Sex. Yes... I said it. Rather..I typed it. SEX.

Seems to be a major topic in today's society, no? The media uses it to gather attention, mass majority of our 18 and under use it as a manner of recreational fun (claiming it as love rather than lust), it's for sale by human trafficers, it's all over the internet to entertain the minds of all those searching for only the pleasures of an illusion...no strings attached.

Am I saying sex is bad? No! Of course not. All I'm saying is it's lost it's meaning. It's being over exploited.

What happened to sharing yourself with one person. When did sex turn into JUST fun and games? It's had a negative affect on society (rape, porn addiction, human trafficking, self-esteem destruction, increased abortion..etc) and still we continue to abuse it.  This is not to say that sex cannot be fun, I do not mean to knock what happens intimately, rather the value of the act itself.

The human body is a temple of love. One that is sacred and shouldn't be tossed around like a toy. It is not right to objectify people...to demean their value to solely something to sleep with.

We had a speaker come to Morehead and he talked about violence and sexual assault but one thing he said (quoted from another) that caught my attention was this:
"

• To treat a person as if they're an object is violence.
• To treat a object as a person is illusion.
• To treat a person as a person is justice.
• To treat a person as you would your-self is love."

It's so true. Think about it. If you treat someone like they're one of your possessions, that is violence (the speaker says "the silencing of a voice is violence"). They're no longer something with thoughts and feelings.. just something that you own and control.

Treating an object like a person is true to. Like porn or even a "harmless" poster (i.e. woman in a bikini), it creates falsehoods of something real. It gives you expectations you may never reach. You also lack that feeling of commitment. I find it very off-putting to enter a guy or girls room and see half naked  men or women scattered amongst the walls. I understand to an extent the point of such...but I feel it destroys all that is beautiful about our bodies and our minds. I've heard that as an excuse, they find the person beautiful... well then aren't they just as beautiful clothed? You have simply reduced this person to eye candy. They have no value other than to further your own self gratification. On the other hand, such people pose for said posters and items in knowing that they are being promoted simply for their attraction rather than something of greater value.

Treating a person as a person is justice; aren't we all people? Shouldn't we all equally get the same amount of respect as you give any other person?

and the last one is self explanatory and can be furthered with the idea of putting one before yourself is love.



anyways..

I had more to say but I just spent a lot on that subject and can't think of my other topics I wanted to cover! ugh.. I will continue this later I promise.. i usually don't but I really had more I wanted to say on other topics...

Would you ever read the end of a book first?

Apparently my mother would, and that bugs me. Knowing what will happen ruins the element of surprise. It's not the same as reading a book then watching the movie about the book because there are almost always differences and it's just bringing the book alive. This came up because mom read a blog on this tv episode and knew everything that was gonna happen and I said its like reading the end of a book first and she said she'd do that...It's like having a friend quote a movie word for word and tell u every single part... then you going and watching it.. kinda lol

This brings me to the question that I've been asked many times.."If it were possible, would you like to know when/how you're going to die?"

I say no. Can you imagine, knowing that you're gonna die by idk.. a car wreck.. then, knowing that, you'd try to avoid it. But of course, your avoidance would most likely be what leads to your demise. I know many people who would say yes, but why? So they can avoid it? You can't avoid death, it's inevitable. Maybe they just want to know how long they've got? Idk, the only benefit from that would be maybe some would finally live their life the way they should, but really you shouldn't have to be motivated just to force you to run your life in a good manner. hmm..

anyways lol..

I've been thinking a lot about life recently (as you can tell since this is my second or third blog on it in the past month). It's been triggered through the recent deaths of those around me. It urges me to take a good look at myself and know if I am who I want to be, If I'm doing what I should, and If I'll be that person that has affected many, that my death will leave an impact on someone. I have a lot to work on, but I overall am satisfied with how I lead my life.

to be cont..

She knows shes more than just a little misunderstood..

I've been on a "Counting Crows Kick" for the past week, not sure why, I downloaded a bunch of their stuff and I keep listening to em. I suppose this kick has been pushed into place because of 94.9 playing "Round here" a lot lately.

That has nothing to do with this blog but whatever. Hm smells like charcoal outside :) and the sky looks wicked awesome right now, despite the low number of stars visible.. it looks so neat all dark and stuff lol. If i could I'd sleep outside, but it rained on our furniture outside :(...

okay.. on to my point of the bloggage..

I just finished watching "The Mist" (Based off of Stephen King Novel). Interesting, though most of his works are. Anyway, the end was rather tragic, here's a little break down of the plot, and whats causing me to write the blog:

Huge storm, tree busts window in an artists house. After storm they notice a mist on the lake... but ignore it. He tells his wife he'll go to store and get supplies to fix window, does with his son and neighbor. While shopping, mist spreads. Lock down in store. Monsters in the mist. Crazy 'jim jones--im a prophet' lady convinces people its god's wrath and many become deranged. At one point they kill a man who they blamed for the whole wrath god; they stabbed him and fed him to the monsters, while he was still alive. 9 people try to escape (including artist and son) but the crazy lady has people against them...she gets killed and 8 of the nine get out. once out they retreat to vehicle--except in process 3 get killed.. Artist realizes his wife is dead, they try to escape the mist. Ends up they run outta gas.. and they know they're gonna die. Artist has gun, 4 bullets, five people in car. He kills all including his son (who made him promise He'd never let the monsters get him). Then all he wants to do is die. But the mist clears minutes after the incident. Tragic.


Yea, it's much better than I described. though I so thought in the beginning (because i knew there'd be monsters) I thought they'd come from his paintings..

Anyway, it got me thinking of how someone could kill someone. How could they kill that innocent man, or even live knowing that you convinced people an innocent man needed to die a slow painful death???

I can't even fathom that kind of hate or insanity. I've had friends ask if I've ever thought of killing someone, and when I said no, they found it abnormal? I don't think it's abnormal that I have no urge to know what that's like. There is no reason to kill. There are always better ways around things. Like war. War is dumb. Don't get me wrong, I greatly respect the courage of our soldiers who are out there putting their lives out on the line for our freedom and for the "good of the nation", but isn't there a better way? Is shooting someone really helping? I know that at this point, maybe we're in too deep. We as a species have accepted war. I just think that there should be a better way.

I mean, have you ever really thought about it? Like.. when someone dies... they're gone. I mean I believe in heaven, hell and all that stuff. But I'm just saying, they aren't here like physically no matter what you believe. You just ended that person's life..

what reason is good enough to kill..?

hm? tell me one, I'd like to know.. unless it's self-defense. I understand that.

All these thoughts pose the argument for capital punishment too. hm.

to be cont.

all my blogs

seem to be a rant. I apologize, but there is so much for me to say.

With that said..here I go again.

Fictitious characters trudging through our vast world, dragging their feet, fabricating lies with every step. Fictitious characters who get caught up in multiple falsehood's that they create in order to please everyone in their lives so that they can soak up as much attention as possible.

Sadly, that is what much of our society has been molded into. I have lost one of my best friend's to the darkness of a material, attention-based world.

I know too many people who care more about how they appear to people, than who they actually are. When they're around their "goody-goody" friends, they act as if they could do no wrong. They befriend "the wrong crowd" and act as though they've lived on the street for years. They lose themselves in the lies and convince themselves that everything they lied about is true. A jack of all the wrong trades.

It makes me sad to see so many people fall to this fate.

to be cont...

okay

Im about to get my senior pics taken.

and its like.. i am second guessing my outfits lol... i hate that. i always do this.

anyway, today is gonna be funnnnnnnn. or so I hope. I get to go to game night at the youth group! an my BFF fo sho is hopefully coming, as well as jake --now thats a whole other topic that i dont even wanna get into. so it'll either rock or its gonna go over horribly.. but since it's the youth group...it should rock lol.

woot!