you ever felt kinda like... your friends love you but.. if given a choice between you and someone else, you would be the discarded friend.
I'm not sure if its just me being insecure or what it is. There's this problem i have with my two BFF's that i hang with a lot. One is extremely.. EXTREMELY..spoiled, we'll call her "R" and can be rather selfish and likes to hog our BFF..er we'll call her "G" lol--no the letters have nothing to do with the names-- and im not one to care about that cuz like.. who cares who spends more time with who. but R cares.. if i hang out with G one on one, R gets mad. Then G gives in to R because she doesn't want to risk their friendship and knows i wont get mad.
Along with that.. they always complain how i dont see them.. or atleast G complains.. then when im off... they never hang out with me unless it is going to benefit them.
Now dont get me wrong, i love them, but i truly feel like because im so easy going, they dont think twice about hurting my feelings. I feel like im only around to drive them places. It really hurts me and i know if i mentioned this they'd say im crazy and would be kinda hurt. But its true, i make plans with them and they avoid them... they make plans with me.. when it involves driving .. or a way in which im semi left out. It's never anything that i want to do. I dont want to come off like im needy or selfish. its just i dont see why i am ALWAYS the one pushed around. I dont see how my BFFs can do that to me anyway..
I dont know maybe i'm just seeing it like that.. Maybe it's just because i've had it happen plenty of times before. But whatever it is.. it needs to be fixed...
I believe the biggest problem is R.. but i dont know and i dont want to place all the blame on her. It's everyones fault. Mine for letting it happen, G for not speaking her opinion, R for being selfish..
Idk.. they arent the only ones that do it either but it bugs me the most coming from them. blahhh any way.. i have ANOTHER blog to write..
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Life & all that Shiz..
SO.. I've been meaning to write this blog forever. but i just haven't, i've been so rushed and so worried and so busy in my life. I turned 18 today, and my grandma pat gave me the advice to take life slowly and enjoy all of it. and i intend to do that, which is why i am writing this blog, i felt like i never had time. but heck i have my whole life. i have plenty of time.
so i guess this is where i rant... then i'll gradually transcend into my wisdom part of the blog..
Life has been so hectic.. College is really freaking me out. I've had my college picked since 7th grade and i'm not sure if i'll be able to go to it. I also am worried about missing my friends since majority are staying local to florence while i'll be 2 hours away at morehead. I also am having second guesses in veterinarian medicine. THATS NEVER HAPPENED TIL NOW. i think its because im not sure if i can stomach it anymore.
besides all the college stuff i've had trouble with guys: is it really that hard to get a guy? maybe i'm just picky. yes there are guys that like me but never the ones I LIKE. It's not that i wont give them a chance, its more that i really am terribly freaked out by most of them lol. Heck i'd be content if i just had a closer guy friend who i could hang with more or something but i cant even get that.
Also there is this kid dustin in my class who is just a horrible person. I really do not like being near him. he's funny but he belittles people so much. It's like middle school all over again. He has made fun of me so much im at a breaking point. And to be quiet honest he hasnt REALLY made fun of me alot but he's said a few things that kinda sting and its just something i cant take after what i went through at RA. I find it so childish to demoralize someone like he does. Seriously, have respect for one another goodness.
Finally, i've had family problems. lots of them. stuff i'd rather not discuss unless i'm asked personally. i've only told 2 of my friends.. and i have 2 more i need to inform and.. idk. i'd like to discuss it with my youth group but.. idk its just something you can just throw out there.. i could use some prayers....
So.. on wednesday we were having our little praise and worship session, which i love, alot. everything about POW/YK/St. Paul youth group is lovable.. anyway, between songs usually someone one (more often nate) says some little wisdom filled/inspiring/kind/faithfilled thingy.. lol (ex: james once said for all of us to sing loud, when someone who is terrible at singing sings alone.. its no good, but if everyone joins together, the good, the bad, it always sounds beautiful. we aren't meant to sing alone, we're meant to sing together.) anyway well that night, john said something that i felt very true, in fact i've always just wanted to tell all of them that because its exactly how i feel. In his little speech he basically said that when we are here (at the youth group) it's one of those few places we can express our faith. we are with people who all love god and we all accept one another. we're all family, and that if anyone ever needs to talk, we'll listen. and if we cant talk to one another we can talk to god.
i loved it. it was something i've always wanted to tell everyone there because.. i really feel like they are the only people who dont judge me and that are so beautiful in their faith. i love them all. no matter if im close to them or not i know they'll always listen to me. They all are so important to me, whether they know it or not. Leaving them is one of the things i fear most about college, im almost willing to stay up here just so i can be around them. they're who made me who i am today. they help get me past my troubles and start anew. i owe alot of myself to them and god.
i had more to say.. but i just came back from picking up my brother (while in middle of typing this) and now i am at a loss of words.
i'd like to end this with a prayer request for my brother who has some unknow.. disease or something that hes gotta get checked out. For my friends cousin who is having seizures. For sam who had to go to hospital last week. For my friends grandpa. And for my family.
so i guess this is where i rant... then i'll gradually transcend into my wisdom part of the blog..
Life has been so hectic.. College is really freaking me out. I've had my college picked since 7th grade and i'm not sure if i'll be able to go to it. I also am worried about missing my friends since majority are staying local to florence while i'll be 2 hours away at morehead. I also am having second guesses in veterinarian medicine. THATS NEVER HAPPENED TIL NOW. i think its because im not sure if i can stomach it anymore.
besides all the college stuff i've had trouble with guys: is it really that hard to get a guy? maybe i'm just picky. yes there are guys that like me but never the ones I LIKE. It's not that i wont give them a chance, its more that i really am terribly freaked out by most of them lol. Heck i'd be content if i just had a closer guy friend who i could hang with more or something but i cant even get that.
Also there is this kid dustin in my class who is just a horrible person. I really do not like being near him. he's funny but he belittles people so much. It's like middle school all over again. He has made fun of me so much im at a breaking point. And to be quiet honest he hasnt REALLY made fun of me alot but he's said a few things that kinda sting and its just something i cant take after what i went through at RA. I find it so childish to demoralize someone like he does. Seriously, have respect for one another goodness.
Finally, i've had family problems. lots of them. stuff i'd rather not discuss unless i'm asked personally. i've only told 2 of my friends.. and i have 2 more i need to inform and.. idk. i'd like to discuss it with my youth group but.. idk its just something you can just throw out there.. i could use some prayers....
So.. on wednesday we were having our little praise and worship session, which i love, alot. everything about POW/YK/St. Paul youth group is lovable.. anyway, between songs usually someone one (more often nate) says some little wisdom filled/inspiring/kind/faithfilled thingy.. lol (ex: james once said for all of us to sing loud, when someone who is terrible at singing sings alone.. its no good, but if everyone joins together, the good, the bad, it always sounds beautiful. we aren't meant to sing alone, we're meant to sing together.) anyway well that night, john said something that i felt very true, in fact i've always just wanted to tell all of them that because its exactly how i feel. In his little speech he basically said that when we are here (at the youth group) it's one of those few places we can express our faith. we are with people who all love god and we all accept one another. we're all family, and that if anyone ever needs to talk, we'll listen. and if we cant talk to one another we can talk to god.
i loved it. it was something i've always wanted to tell everyone there because.. i really feel like they are the only people who dont judge me and that are so beautiful in their faith. i love them all. no matter if im close to them or not i know they'll always listen to me. They all are so important to me, whether they know it or not. Leaving them is one of the things i fear most about college, im almost willing to stay up here just so i can be around them. they're who made me who i am today. they help get me past my troubles and start anew. i owe alot of myself to them and god.
i had more to say.. but i just came back from picking up my brother (while in middle of typing this) and now i am at a loss of words.
i'd like to end this with a prayer request for my brother who has some unknow.. disease or something that hes gotta get checked out. For my friends cousin who is having seizures. For sam who had to go to hospital last week. For my friends grandpa. And for my family.
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