Fear.

I've never understood fear. Fear of spiders, fear of snakes, fear of the dark...etc etc. Same with phobias but I'm just focusing on general fear. What constitutes a fear? How far must a dislike go to become a fear? I am quite unaware of my own fears, I am stuck at a fork in the road; Do I in fact have fears or are they more or less just things I don't want to happen or don't like. For example my roommate says she does not like spiders; my roommate says she fears spiders. How far off from not liking a creature makes it into the category of a fear? When I mention spiders to my roommate she automatically grimaces and shudders. I know if a spider was within 10 ft from her she'd probably scream, thus I would constitute this as a fear. But what per say are the requirements?

My roommate says one reason she fears spiders is because some of them can kill you. This perplexes me. Can't anything kill you? YOU can kill you. Your body itself (if not helped out by outward factors or diseases) eventually kills you, so why not fear oneself? Anything and everything can kill you but it is not logical to fear everything, so why narrow it down to a creature who would rather hide from you than bite you?

If you're wondering, this has nothing to do with spiders, I just want to get to the bottom of what exactly a fear is... or at least understand if I have one or why people have them in the first place..

I know some people say they fear rejection. I don't question that as being a legit fear, but I question if we are overusing the term fear sometimes. Like I don't want to be rejected and it is something I do worry about but when I come face to face with rejection I usually just brush it off... the moments leading up to it is the worst part but I don't care afterward. It also doesn't scare the wits out of me, so does that mean it is a dislike more so than a fear?

I say I fear losing my loved ones. I fear what it will be like when they're gone...yet it is not something that I think about all the time, it is not something that terrifies me, nor is it something that comes straight to mind when thinking of death and/or fears.. I have to search to find it. It's something I don't want to happen and I dread happening but is it a legitimate fear or just something of inevitability that I just don't want happening? Fear is often considered irrational is it not? We are not automatically born with fear, it is learned. Seeing that losing a loved one is inevitable and is a rational thing to not want to happen does that too cancel it from being a fear? (keep in mind we are not talking about phobias.. just FEARS).

Do you have to be physically scared to make it a fear? or are fears just a bunch of worries and dislikes? The term fear can be used in place of worry.. so maybe that is truly all fear is. If so then I am no longer fearless, I'm chock full of fears. Let's consult dictionary.com..
"
–noun

1.	a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

2.	a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights.

3.	concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety.

4.	reverential awe, esp. toward God.

5.	that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.

"

All of these imply (with the small exception of numbers 3 & 4) the presence of feeling afraid or danger. I do not feel that when I think of the things I "fear". Not quite sure why number 2 is an abnormal fear of heights, what is the normal fear of it? Number 5 says cancer is a common fear... I do not want cancer, it upsets me to think of possibly getting cancer but I do not feel scared at the thought of it, and I do not overall dislike cancer, in fact oncology is something I take interest in. So does my not wanting it and occasional worry of cancer still constitute as a fear? Does the sheer fact that once diagnosed I would no longer have that worry make it also not count as a fear? I DON'T KNOW.

So far none of this pondering has let me settle on if my presented fears (rejection, losing loved ones, etc) are actually fears, nor have I concluded on what exactly a fear is. Fear is confusing, that's what. Not to mention many are irrational, or so I think--however, rational in the fact that some incidents cause people to fear certain things...i.e. almost drowning makes fear of water=rational. What are your thoughts? Do you have any fears? Why do you fear said things?

In my last moments of typing this I just realized... (strange I could forget) that I do in fact have one fear. One that does scare me. One that does make me shudder. One that has caused me to cry in class numerous times. Induces panic attacks. One that will leave me trembling for hours before and  about 30 minutes to an hour afterwards. Public Speaking.

Though I think why that was so far off from my mind is because in college I have been forced to face it. Not to mention the only reason (my rationale) I started fearing it in the first place is now put behind me... and I'm no longer as self-loathing and self conscious like I once was. I get nervous and I still tremble after. But I no longer cry, though I did last year in my speech class. I still have the feeling of impending doom when a teacher so much as mouths the words oral presentation.

S, I don't know.

The fearless has met her match. Public speaking is really just the public display of the web of insecurities/"fears" I have. So therefore, the act of public speaking itself is my actual fear more so than that which fuels the fear of it (rejection/failure/physical insecurities)....if that makes sense..

I have a presentation this semester in eng 200. we'll see how far I've come since speech.

wow this blog took a weird turn, eh?

blah. but seriously folks. Give me some answers. What is fear? what are your fears? why do we fear?

i don't know...