sigh.

blog from myspace:
It took me a while but I think those memories are slowly washing away. They were never encompassed in love but rather in amazement, kindness, and later deception. I thought I had finally found something, someone that I was connected with; something worth confiding in. I found that I was wrong and that I should just move on. I had a whimsical moment filled with wisdom in which i finally let go. I let go of those false feelings. I think I've let go of this beauty for good. Of couse I will always have an association, but never have what I wanted; needed. But that's alright now. I'm okay.

Off of that note, I feel like talking of myself. Not sure why.

When I'm troubled and seek out a place to contemplate, I do not lurk in my room, but rather (strangely) i crawl behind the table in the dining room and lay on the rug placed in front of the backdoor. I can focus my thoughts in peace, i feel more at ease than on an man-made furniture and I feel.. secluded. Since I was little, if i ever needed to "get away" this is where I'd go. For some reason, I am always passed by unnoticed when I lie in that spot.

If I am stressed I take runs/walks.. Nature has a calming effect like one cant imagine. Cold air can clear one's thoughts in a matter of seconds. These walks are more intimate at night, allowing you.. and only you their presence.

I tend to listen to sad music when upset, and depending on what I'm upset about I usually listen to music associated with what's making me upset. If anything it just makes the pain more real and I'm not quite sure why I do this, I guess to experience it all..

I always feel rushed except when I'm alone.

I need more time.

I need to improve myself a lot.

I hate make-up and you will not convince me to use it until I am completely accepting of myself and am sure that it will not be used as a crutch.


I have more to say but my intuitive mood has left me with a lethargic, "i dont wanna type or talk about myself mood".. lol so this was really random :\ have fun.
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Came here to post that but now i have another blog.
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"SIGH"

The loud click of the door followed by hard movements. A cold voice and hushed words. The silence, then the shift of weight followed by more cold words. Another petty fight. Another fraught of hurtful words. The tinge in the voice on the verge of crying.

My brother and his girlfriend always fight. I want them to be together forever but they get angered over such little things because they are both selfish (yet not), both lacking esteem, both jealous.. I'm not sure what this one is about but it seems my brothers girlfriend is mad that he talked on the phone....because he called a guy friend?

these fights are not seldom (well they actually haven't fought for a long time but the fights used to be regular) and rarely do they pertain to something worth fighting over. I can see both arguments and most of the time one person is EXTREMELY at fault while the other isn't at all, be it one overreacting or one doing something offending. I hate it. What's worse is HOW they argue. The things I've heard them say, are just horrible. HORRIBLE. The kinds of words that rip apart your soul. Those that you can't take back in an apology no matter how much you didn't mean them.

I hate hate hate hate hate arguments. So fierce.. so painful.

My brother is one who must make sure every little detail is precise. He's very analytical. Ex: He'll say something, and I say oh I know and he'll retort with you don't know that how could you have known that?

Its just how i respond sometimes.

Now his girlfriend, is a sweetheart but is incredibly in need of my brother. She needs to be around him ALL THE TIME and she is uber jealous. She will not tolerate the mention of his ex girlfriends.

They are now full on fighting. He just completely used every curse word possible. F F F F F between every word. I don't care what she did or how wrong, you do not use those words in an argument.

She didn't apologize sincerely, she still thinks she's right, he tried to prevent the fight apparently I heard him say it.. but then she apparently kept egging it on so he went out side and is currently screaming on the phone at the top of his lungs.

it makes me shudder.

I dont understand. I just DONT.

I definitely see WHY he's mad

but..

it's ridiculous.

Let it F'n go.

He's leaving the house now and I'm rather afraid of what's going to happen.

My brother has major MAJOR anger problems.

He just left the house in a matter of seconds.

I assume to confront her. Its freakin 3 days after christmas and he's already saying he hates her.

I hope to god he doesn't do something dumb or get hurt because when you're mad, you're not exactly alert. --I'll update later

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update...

everythings fine now, he didnt o anything wrong and since then they've fought like twice and i've come to realize its not all one sided, majority of their fights is actually brits fault--she seems to get mad much easier than my brother.. and now My mom and I have sat with him and figured out a way in which he can get around her way of fighting so that neither of them get mad-er lol... woo! and they havent fought since that lil counciling session.